Shoo. It has been a rough, rough weekend.

I have not been sleeping well. I know that I do sleep in the night, but I continuously wake up giving me the impression that I am not sleeping. I wake up at 5am every morning for no reason and then I sometimes can doze and sometimes cannot fall asleep again. Eventually my legs get stiff and sore and I have to get up. On the nights when my medication does work properly I get quite strong alpha sympathomimetic effects, peripheral vasodialation and completely blocked nose. I often wake in the nigh with my mouth being completely dry. A while ago I started supplementing my meds with phenergan. I started at 5mg and moved quickly up to 25mg, which is now not working. For the next few days I am going to take phenergan 25mg + allergex 4mg.

On Friday I did not go into university. I was meant to go in for a set of three group presentations. I did not go in because I cannot concentrate in group presentations, I do not gain anything from attending them and get very frustrated and angry when they run overtime. I went to go see the ophthalmologist who tested my eyes very thoroughly and found nothing wrong.

I received two disappointing and worrying phone calls. One was from the doctor who facilitated our group during our family medicine block telling me I need to re-do part of my portfolio. The other was from the doctor who runs the student lead teaching that I bunked telling me she wants to meet me on Tuesday.

I pushed myself incredibly hard this weekend. I covered a lot of work. I went through 9 old exam papers, made a hand-out on delusional disorder and type up 3 patients. I still have another patient to type up plus I need to add bits and pieces to the ones that I have already completed.

I had dinner and saw the movie Milk with some friends on Saturday night. It was enjoyable. I felt depersonalised and socially inept the whole evening.

Yesterday I went to another friend for an hour just to get out of the house.

I am very lonely and very unhappy at the moment.